Inevitably, when I find myself suffering angst, pain, or grief I discover that I am attempting to swim upstream carrying a whole lotta stuff that I have convince myself I need. In simple terms, I am battling the natural flow of my life and most likely I'm making it as hard as possible.
I insist, as they say, upon not only acting in my own production, but I'm demanding set design be my way, the sound and lighting, the schedule to run on my timetable and I'm directing all of the other players with an iron fist leaving no room for creative flow, improv or outside input. In short, I lock God in the Green Room and then wonder why everything has exploded into a dust storm under my brilliant instruction!
And so, when I am feeling most emotionally uncomfortable and distraught, I must ask myself, what am I not surrendering to? What am I fighting for in my life that just isn't falling into place?
Now, this is NOT to say don't fight for your heart's desire. It's merely to remind you that if you are pushing on the door to your absolute exhaustion and pain, then you are probably pushing on the wrong door. Look around you, because usually there is a window open somewhere nearby. :)
Breathe, journal and take a walk outside. The answers will come. You may not like them, but trust that there is a bigger plan. And remember, "More will be revealed".